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Sometimes the most affective approach is one we wouldn't expect  In our culture, we're often taught to rush, force, and contort ourselves. Harder, faster, stronger. When we hurt, we dig in deep to those muscles. No pain, no gain. We don't like how something is so we try to change it to make it fit, or maybe we deny it's existence entirely. (Toxic positivity, anyone?) Maybe we build up walls or brusk defenses. That'll keep those perpetrators out.
All of this is understandable. This is what we've absorbed by osmosis about how to approach life. It's also very human of us to puff up and protect, shut down, or put up walls when we don't feel safe. Sometimes that is exactly what we needed to survive a certain situation. We can be grateful that those survival mechanisms helped us at times when we really needed them. Then, many times, we get to a point where we are safe, and those strategies become maladaptive. We can continue as is, or we can try for another way. Sometimes the thing we need most is gentleness. Softness, ease and safety surrounding us, can help us let down our guard and receive the healing we've needed. One of my former business coaches and teachers Mark Silver used to say that gentleness is the antidote to anger. This was a startling ah ha for me. As I began practicing it, I realized that gentleness disarms the anger. There is no longer anything for the anger to fight against. Gentleness also reflects back how hard we've been trying to protect ourselves from getting hurt. As the anger no longer has to defend, our soft underbelly, the tender vulnerability hidden within gets revealed. But we aren't left out in the cold. That gentleness also holds and cradles that vulnerability, airs it out, and soothes the pain. I've seen this happen on all levels, physically with tight muscles that release with gentle touch, and mentally and emotionally as well. Are there places in your life where you could benefit from offering yourself more gentleness? Do you need a safe space where someone can offer that for you? Reach out or book a session online. With care, Sarah
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Nourish yourself, and please VOTE!  Hello Friends,
"It's a good life, honey, if you don't grow weary." This chorus from an Alexa Woodward song has been running over and over in my mind the last few weeks. Perhaps, my inner coach is encouraging me to keep going during these trying times. We've been living in the pandemic era for over six months now, and so much of the shadow side of our society has come up to the surface. We have been confronted with the opportunity to face the unsustainable, the orphans, the bullies. Doing the work to heal and shift into integrity takes attention and presence. Two things, that as we move through these collective traumas, can take even more effort to access. It is also clear that we need to think of the long game. The coronavirus, and systemic racism are not going to vanish overnight. But how do we keep learning, and doing the work that needs to be done without burning out? Have you been feeling weary? My intent today is to explore ways that we can nourish ourselves so we can continue to do what we need to personally and collectively to move through these times while staying sane and connected to our hearts. ********* Before we get to our regularly scheduled programming, I feel urged to call out what I saw on Tuesday evening while watching the presidential debates. Speaking of weariness, I know many of us are tired of what we have been experiencing. So perhaps, before reading on, take a few deep breaths, allow yourself to feel what is present within you, and offer yourself some compassion. These are trying times. The behavior of our commander-in-chief, was that of a cornered narcissist lashing out trying to regain ground and control. Coming to identify the behaviors of narcissism is something we explore in my Empowered Empath series, as there is a common tendency for empaths and narcissists to be drawn together, and recognizing what is going on, and how to not get tangled in the dynamics is important for staying healthy and sane. So for those of you who are not already familiar with narcissism, how it shows up, and how to protect yourself here are a few points. Narcissism is a trait that exists on a spectrum. In those where it is dominant, we see these key characteristics: the desire for power and control over others; a lack of respect for other's autonomy, and who they really are; a fabricated illusion of grandeur to compensate for a sense of hollowness within; a severe lacking of empathy for others. Another term that is used for narcissists and other challenging personality types is "energy vampires," as these people "feed" on the energy of others to sustain themselves. In their woundedness (likely from early life) they have not learned how to maintain their energy on their own, while respecting others' sovereignty, so narcissists rely on others for "narcissistic supply." This can be other's admiration, bolstering of their ego, attention, even "getting another's goat," so to speak, and feeding off of their anger, and fear. There are many different types of narcissists, but in Trump we see the type that is most often associated with the term, a grandiose or overt narcissist. Narcissists are highly manipulative, and we saw many of those techniques in Tuesday's debate. Expert gaslighting: distorting facts in an attempt to control the narrative and reality of others. The intent of gaslighting is to instill so much doubt in others that they question their reality, and turn to the gaslighter as their new authority on reality. When they are successful, the illusion of grandeur or perfection surrounding the narcissist is so thick that we deny anything we see to the contrary. When that happens we've bitten the hook. We see this in the way Trump tries to control the narrative around his handling of Covid-19, despite our experiences to the contrary. The incessant interrupting was also an overwhelming attempt to dominate and steamroll, not only Biden, but the moderator, as well, to have control. Narcissists go for the low blow. They stockpile information against you, and throw it out as zingers when they think your defenses are down or you're most vulnerable. We saw this in his callous remarks about Biden's sons, and without any regard or compassion for the loss of Biden's son Beau. We are not dealing with the average human being that we can reason with, have a discussion with an intent to find common ground, and compromise for solutions. Narcissists who are not getting help (the vast majority don't because they are in denial that they need support) cannot meet you in the middle. Their agenda of control will always be on the forefront of their mind. If they feel like they are starting to lose that control or narcissistic supply, they will double down. That is what we are seeing right now. I could go on... but I will say if you were feeling drained, angry, upset, etc. after watching the debate, that is because what we witnessed was not healthy. As a country we have been in an abusive relationship with this president, and what unfolded on Tuesday was one verbally and energetically violent episode. If you have had narcissists or abuse in your life you may have felt particularly triggered after that event. If this is you, remember to have compassion for yourself, and hopefully there will be something useful for you in the later part of this article. Please seek out support if you are needing it. A few points that I share with my empath students to safely and sanely navigate these dynamics:
In Wisconsin, there is still time to register to vote absentee, or early. All the information Wisconsinites need is here: MyVoteWisconsin (One of the things I love is that if you vote absentee, they give you the ability to track your ballot to make sure it is received.)In another state and want to vote early, or absentee? Find all the details at Better Know A Ballot. For registration and all other voter information visit: Vote.gov Your Voice Matters! ********* Okay, now onto the good stuff: nourishment and dispelling weariness. Let's take another moment to pause, close our eyes, and breathe. Allow space for whatever might be coming up in you physically or emotionally. Whatever you are experiencing is just energy and information. As we practice sitting with it as we breathe, and offer compassionate witnessing, healing begins to happen. Stay with this as long as you need to. Now, reflect upon what has been working well for you over the last several months. (I've created this worksheet for your ease in following this exercise if you like.) What has brought joy, comfort, relief, and constructive outlets for you as we move through these times? Maybe you are going for regular walks, having virtual game nights with friends and family, making tasty meals, writing poetry, meditating, puttering in the garden, napping, or snuggling with your pets or children. What new or old habits have been helping you sustain? Make a list of what has been filling your cup, how often you have been able to participate in those activities, and star the ones that have been particularly impactful. Now considering one activity at a time, with the changing of the seasons, is there anything that can, or needs to be tweaked so you can continue to enjoy it into the cooler months? Allow this to be a time for your creativity to emerge. If you can't find a solution for how to adapt a certain outlet, make note of it, and what needs it has been meeting for you (connection, movement, play, rest, support, learning, hope, inspiration, etc.). Now, are there any new activities that you could incorporate to replace any that you will no longer be able to do? Focus on the needs that were being met, and brainstorm what other ways you might be able to meet those needs. For instance, if you were gardening and it was helping you feel grounded and inspired by beauty, maybe you could dream and plan for your garden next year, learn about the plants and wildlife in your area, study ways that you can preserve food, do grounding meditations, or paint picturesque landscapes. Perhaps there are some needs you haven't been able to meet at all during this time. What are they, and how could you prioritize them? There may be things that have been bogging you down that you need to let go of. For example, obligations to relationships that are draining or not reciprocal, guilt about resting or taking care of yourself, or habits that keep you busy or distract that don't actually nourish you. Ask yourself, what don't I have to do? What can I let go of? Sit with your list. Star your highest priorities to maintain, integrate, or release. Then narrow it down to 1-3 that you can focus on in the next couple months to support your well-being. What did you come up with? Share with us in the comments . Take good care of yourselves! Much love, Sarah Lighten your load.  Hi There,
So much is going on in the world right now, between navigating the pandemic, facing ingrained racial injustice, and all the other happenings. It's easy to get swept up in the fear, anger, grief, uncertainty, dissonance, and as well as the hope, desires, and outpourings of love that are present right now. Mix it all together and it can feel quite jumbled. Between what is unfolding in the collective, and our own personal world there is so much for each of us to process. This moment is demanding a lot of us. As such, it is natural to not feel like you are at your "peak performance." If you find yourself being hard on yourself for this, please, friend, be kind, gentle, and patient with yourself. We are each doing the best we can, and that is enough. If you aren't already, try to set aside a little time each day to turn off distractions, be with yourself, and breathe. Practice gratitude for your life. Surrender your burdens to the Earth. Allow her to support you. Invite yourself to see that beauty and love are here with you always, even when it is painful, even when it is hard. It might not look like fairy tales and roses, but that benevolent presence is here with you all the same, even when we forget or can't perceive it. If you are an empath, feeler, or Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), this time can be particularly overwhelming, exhausting, and confusing. Not only are you having your own response to these events, but you are also picking up on those from the people around you, in your home, neighborhood, and the whole world. Because the entire planet is facing this pandemic, and much of the world is also grappling with racial disparities, the collective energies are particularly heightened right now, in a way that has been unrivaled (at least in my lifetime). It's like we are swimming through a thick soup of energies. If we are not mindful, we can easily drown in this collective cocktail, and lose clarity about what we are responsible for, and can control: ourselves. To support us in this endeavor, I will be offering one of my cornerstone classes online: The Empowered Empath. This class is designed for people who pick up on the energy of others, by feeling it emotionally or physically in their own bodies. It will help you liberate yourself from carrying the burdens of others, get clarity on where your energy and that of others begins and ends, practice energetic boundaries, nourish yourself, reconnect with your power, and support others with an open compassionate heart without taking on their "stuff." As the tools that are presented are put into consistent practice overtime, they have the potential to dramatically change how we feel as we relate with the world. We can feel empowered, and solid while still engaging with our gift of sensitivity. Even though this class is tailored towards empaths, if you are struggling with some of the themes I mentioned above and you don't identify as an empath, you may still benefit from the skills in this course. This five week series will be offered online via Zoom starting Tues July 21st. Even online, this course will remain interactive with teachings, meditations, exercises, reflection, and sharing. No matter where you are in the globe, you are welcome to join us live, or catch the recordings later (they will be available for a month). Due to this platform, I am also able to accommodate a larger group. Feel free to invite your loved ones to join you. Finally, due to these trying times, I will be offering this course on a sliding scale. See the details below. The Empowered Empath Virtual Series Essential wisdom and practices to move freely, and compassionately with your gifts What is an Empath? Tues July 21st 5:00–7:00pm
Know & Love Thyself Tues July 28th 5:00–7:00pm
Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries Tues Aug 4th 5:00–7:00pm
Immune to Energy Vampires Tues Aug 11st 5:00–7:00pm
Being an Empowered Empath Tues Aug 18th 5:00–7:00pm
You will receive handouts that you can download/print before each class. Each class will include time to reflect on how you operate as a unique empath, and live guided meditations and exercises. Held online via Zoom on Tuesdays, July 21st–August 18, 2020 from 5:00–7:00pm CST (6–8pm EST, 3–5PST) Can't make a class? They will be recorded. You will have access to the recording for one month after the class. Cost for Entire Series: Sliding scale of $75 — $100 — $125 — $150 — $175 Generally, I offer this course for $125 total when it is in person. Though this is the baseline price, I am offering this series on a sliding scale given current challenges. I trust you to look into your heart and pay what feels like a fair exchange for you, given your situation, and what is being offered. If money's a little tight, pay $75 or $100. If you have more cushion, and want to pay it forward, you can give $150, or $175. Last day to register is Friday July 17th. Series must be paid for in advance, your space is held once payment is received. Call 608-335-1934, email, or book online to register. Have questions? Please don't hesitate to reach out! If you feel inspired to jump in, I look forward to working with you! Much love, Sarah The conundrum that vexes many heart-centered people  I was speaking with a client recently, and through our conversation it was clear that she had been aware of things that others around her didn't seem to notice. She could tell when something was up with her loved ones even when they tried to hide it, and she seemed to have a sense of what these people needed. She could see them, or really, she could feel them. She was well aware of the pain around her, and also of the beauty and love that others sometimes could not see. It became clear: she has always been an empath.
"Now that I know I'm an empath, does this mean that it is my job to save people if I know they are suffering?" she wondered. No, it does not. We do not have to whoosh in and rescue loved ones and strangers, because of this intuitive awareness we feel in our bodies. We also do not have to completely block ourselves off from the world, and disassociate to protect ourselves. There is a middle way. A path that we can traverse where we remain connected in our hearts and conscious of what is unfolding around us, but we remained grounded in what is our true responsibility: ourselves. We remember that also applies to everyone else. It isn't always easy to practice this when have been living the majority of our lives enmeshed or detached. But with a fair dose of self-compassion, and patience, we can connect with the strength and kindness we need to navigate life fully present. We will be exploring this life-long practice, and supportive wisdom to soak in during the Empowered Empath series which begins a week from today. If you are curious, you can learn more here. Feel the pull to step in with us? Three spots remain available as of today. Book & pay online, email, or call 608-335-1934. No matter whether you find yourself with empathic abilities or not, I invite you to notice if you have any tendencies to take responsibility for other people's problems, or to distance yourself from discomfort. Explore for yourself ways that you can maintain autonomy for your experience, and surrender any burdens outside of that. I'd love to hear what you notice. Share your comments below, or send me an email. Hope you are well, Sarah Spring invites the shedding of protective layers to allow for new growth.  Spring is on our doorstep, my friends. Do you feel your vital energy stirring within you as the daylight and glimmer of warmth in the air calls us to awaken our sleepy bones? As you invite in this freshness into your being, and shake off sluggishness, we can easily get swept up in the joy, excitement, and eagerness of what is to come, desires for connecting with the outside world, and plans to take action in your life and the broader community. Spring coaxes the fire within us. While this energy of the season can be a beautiful and important catalyst, there is an aspect of this early phase of the season that, as a culture, we often overlook: tenderness.
The buds on the trees have begun to shed the protective waxy coating that shielded them from the winter chill, but have yet to unfold. Many of the seeds within the ground are breaking down their growth inhibiting hormones that have kept them dormant, and are preparing to reach for the soil's surface, while some resilient pioneers have already extended their bright green shoots out of our monochromatic landscape. A new cycle of life is emerging. Exciting, indeed. But we must acknowledge this life is still vulnerable. Without the appropriate conditions, some of this life will not make it through the season. A couple of hard frosts, hungry critters, or a good natured but absent-minded person trampling on the young sprouts may impede the growth of these plants. There is a softness, openness, and rawness to this process. Here they are, bursting forth. Will they have the opportunity to develop the strength, the roots, and perhaps, eventually, bear fruit? Time will tell. In the natural world, and even the human community, many of these occurrences are beyond our control. Pause for a moment. Does this bring up a helplessness in you? Breathe into this space. Especially with the conditions present in the world now, and the movements unfolding, there can be a sense of urgency, of "this needed to be done ages ago!", of our desperation for change fueling our action. The fire awakening within us is supported by this energy of spring. But if we don't acknowledge the tenderness, helplessness, or vulnerability within our experience, we can act without full consciousness and connection, without the care and support that we need to move into effective action. So, let's take a moment to pause and reflect.
Without the support that we need, we can feel susceptible to the world around us. But if we allow ourselves to receive nurturance for what is coming forth within us, the softness and tenderness has a resiliency that can break away the barriers we had in place, and withstand the hardships. From Verse 43 of The Tao Te Ching, "The softest thing in the universe Overcomes the hardest thing in the universe. That without substance can enter where there is no room. Hence I know the value of non-action." (Translation by Gia-Fu Feng and Jane English) There you are, my friends. I'd love to hear what those questions bring up in you, and how you balance the duality of the fire and action of Spring, with the tenderness, and rawness of it. If you feel inspired to share, comment below or send me an email. Always a pleasure to hear from you. Blessings for love, resiliency, comfort, and growth for you, and us all, Sarah |
Sarah Barlow
Reiki Master Teacher and Owner of Embrace Your Essence Sign up for our E-Letters Here
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