When we are caught up in struggle, not really getting anywhere, it is a painful place to be. Some choose to stay in this place for a long, or indefinite time, becoming resigned to the soup they are in, perhaps even identifying as a victim. 

When a glimmer flickers within, and something shifts—a desire for change, a willingness to reach out for help—a powerful and essential thing happens. This is the key moment that this person takes agency for their life. Without claiming responsibility for our life, healing and growth can be fleeting. We can be at the mercy of others, and the winds around us. 

The moment we choose to step into our power, saying "I'm willing do to something about xyz in my life, because enough is enough, and I matter," we begin responding to the situations in our life, rather than reacting. It's as if we go from having a ship without a captain, to finally stepping up to the helm. We start deciding how we are going to navigate the storms and winds, rather than being beat around endlessly by them. This doesn't mean it's easy, especially at first, but we are more likely to get where we hope to go by setting a direction, rather than letting ourselves drift or sink at the whims of the elements. 

Perhaps, you remember a moment in your life when you went from being adrift to stepping up. What was that like for you? Did it feel like a turning point?

If we are already charting our own course, sometimes it's hard when we see other people in our life who are resigned, and not taking ownership of their life. Sometimes there's a compulsion to tow them along behind us, or hop over and try to steer their ship for them (would this make us well-meaning pirates? ;) ). But it's hard to steer two ships at once, and it really doesn't teach them the skills and confidence to navigate their own life.

Occasionally, I feel this impulse, because I'm a recovering helper, you know. My guides remind me, "Who are you to steal this pivotal moment from them in choosing to take responsibility for their life?" If I just tow them around, they'll most likely just want to take a nap, and let me continue. I'll get tired and resentful, and they won't actually learn the thing.

Claiming agency for our life, responsibilities, and problems isn't the only step, but it's the first essential one. 

Are you ready to step into your power and ask for help? 

I gotchu. I believe in you.
Sarah

So last week I wrote about a cycle I was caught in years ago with a person in my life. This person would lash out, offer a heartfelt apology, things would be calm for a while then the cycle would repeat. 

I do genuinely believe this person felt remorse for how they showed up, and wanted to do better. I gave them the benefit of the doubt, and I saw ways that they were trying to learn, grow and heal. At the time, this was enough for me to stay. I mean, I cared deeply about this person, and they weren't always lashing out, we still had good times together. I wanted to believe that they could eventually heal, and things would get better.

Despite this, the pattern repeated itself so many times, I can't even give an estimate. It didn't stop until I chose to remove myself from the scenario.

Before I worked up the courage to leave, I heard the phrase somewhere: 

The best apology is changed behavior.

I held that idea for while, giving them a chance to do something different. Ultimately, they didn't. 

So I did what I needed to do to take care of myself, and let myself soak in the idea that I deserved to be treated better. (We all deserve this!) I left. 

Taking accountability for how we show up is a really important piece in having a healthy relationship with ourselves and others. While it usually isn't easy to make a change, getting the support that will actually help us get better is essential. 

The person in my life was making an effort, so it was easy for me to be encouraged by that. However, what I eventually realized was that all of the approaches he was trying were through self-study and reflection. He didn't seek out any third-party supports that would help him see his blind spots, and hold him accountable. As such, it was easy for him to bypass what was necessary. 

This doesn't mean that we can't make progress through self-work, we certainly can. However, sometimes we really do need outside support and perspective. There are limitations to how far we can grow alone. And, ultimately, in this situation, the efforts he was making didn't result in a change in behavior—not taking his stuff out on me.  

I invite you to reflect on this idea: the best apology is changed behavior. What comes up for you? Perhaps, you have found yourself on one or both sides of this spectrum. 

How did or could you take accountability for your part? Or how did or could you set a boundary if you need to?

Need a little help on this front? Here for you, without judgment, and proud of anyone willing to do the work that is necessary. 

Hugs,
Sarah

Every week there is a new horrifying or gobsmacking event happening in the US. I try to write in ways that are relevant to current events and how to navigate them while tending to our inner world and the collective, but I don't have the capacity to respond to them every time. Now that my cued e-letters for Reiki training are up (we've postponed the start until we have more registrants, so let me know if you are interested!), I'm confronted again with what to write. 

I'm going to speak plainly today. 

If you haven't been paying attention, you need to now. 

If you listen to Fox News, it's time to find another source. They've been lying to you. 

It's time to find non-violent ways to respond, and repeat, ad nauseam. This is the necessity of these times. 

Minnesotans are brave. Resilient. Scared. Doing the thing anyway. In frigid, unsafe temperatures. I love them. I wish they didn't have to do this.

I know many of you have Minnesotans in your life. Check on them. Send them care packages. Protest in solidarity with them (there are many ICE Out protests going on around the country.) Let them know they aren't doing this alone.

Us Midwesterners are hearty folk. We've lived through the bitter cold and snow year after year. We care about our community, and that is showing in the unwillingness to submit to bullies who just want us to lay down and take it. Fuck that.

The macrocosm is the microcosm. Imagine (or remember) an abusive family system. The emotionally and physically abusive parent hurts one of the children. The other is the golden child (immune to the physical harm, but also steeped in the emotional harm in different ways). The child who is being hit says something, speaks out about the abuse. "How dare that child say anything?" thinks the abusive parent or enabler. They should just sit there and take it. The abusers thinks the child is making them hit them, because the child upset them. It would all just be better if they were quiet.

Well, that's the narrative for the US right now coming from those in positions of power.

Historians and political scientists have a world for it when it's a government: Totalitarianism.

From Britannica.com:
Totalitarianism is a form of government that attempts to assert total control over the lives of its citizens. It is characterized by strong central rule that attempts to control and direct all aspects of individual life through coercion and repression. It does not permit individual freedom. Traditional social institutions and organizations are discouraged and suppressed, making people more willing to be merged into a single unified movement. Totalitarian states typically pursue a special goal to the exclusion of all others, with all resources directed toward its attainment, regardless of the cost.

My work is all about healing and releasing trauma. This administration is generating so much trauma it brings me to tears. Sometimes I collapse on my floor, head in my hands, before I rally myself. 

Alex. Renee. A baby that stopped breathing from being teargassed. An autistic woman carried away as she was on the way to the doctor. A peaceful protestor blinded. Oglala Sioux Tribal members detained (they are the only ones who never immigrated! wtf?!?!). People of color (citizens and those here legally) profiled, harassed, detained because of how they look, how they speak, how they dress. I could go on and on.

All of these people, they need us. We need us. 

The Republican members of Congress have the power to stop this. There is still time to pressure them to rein in ICE. Congress: 202-224-3121. You don't have to have the perfect thing to say. You just need to call. Honestly, I find it rather cathartic hounding Ron Johnson. ;)

What I do believe in is the power of the people. You and me. There are more of us than there are of them. We are fed up, and this doesn't have to continue. We just have to be willing to do something about it. Stand in your power. Don't give it away to them in complacency or fear. We are stronger together. 

Voces de la Frontera has resources to support immigrants, and rally to protect them in Wisconsin. Donate, volunteer, get involved. We need to be ready.

Monarcha is the rapid response line in Minnesota. They need our support. 

Keep an eye on the 287g program, and speak up! This gives municipalities federal money for local law enforcement to collaborate with ICE. Because they've been deputized in this way, essentially any police officers in participating counties are also effectively ICE agents. They often also have beds reserved in their jails for detainees. There are numerous counties in Wisconsin that are currently participating at the time of this writing: Brown, Calumet, Fond du Lac, Kenosha, Kewaunee, Kewaunee, Manitowoc, Marathon, Marquette, Outagamie, Sauk, Sheboygan, Washington, Waukesha, Waushara, Winnebago, and Wood Counties Sheriffs' Offices, and the Palmyra Police Department. This is also reversible! So if you live in one of those counties, speak up and say you do not want your police department participating!

Know that I'm doing what I can to stand with you in this. I've been standing up to bullies since 1987. Standing up to these bullies has become my new hobby.

If you need help regulating your nervous system, or finding moments to recharge to keep doing the thing, I'm here. 

I'm also wanting to offer Reiki to immigrants and those being harmed by this administration. If you would like to donate funds to help sponsor folks, or donate your own Reiki skills to help, let me know. Hopefully, our little bits of effort will lessen some of the long lasting impacts of this harm. 

Keep showing up.

Love ya'll and stay safe out there,

Sarah

I was speaking with a client recently, and through our conversation it was clear that she had been aware of things that others around her didn't seem to notice. She could tell when something was up with her loved ones even when they tried to hide it, and she seemed to have a sense of what these people needed. She could see them, or really, she could feel them. She was well aware of the pain around her, and also of the beauty and love that others sometimes could not see. It became clear: she has always been an empath.

"Now that I know I'm an empath, does this mean that it is my job to save people if I know they are suffering?" she wondered.

No, it does not. We do not have to whoosh in and rescue loved ones and strangers, because of this intuitive awareness we feel in our bodies. We also do not have to completely block ourselves off from the world, and disassociate to protect ourselves. There is a middle way. A path that we can traverse where we remain connected in our hearts and conscious of what is unfolding around us, but we remained grounded in what is our true responsibility: ourselves. We remember that also applies to everyone else. It isn't always easy to practice this when have been living the majority of our lives enmeshed or detached. But with a fair dose of self-compassion, and patience, we can connect with the strength and kindness we need to navigate life fully present. We will be exploring this life-long practice, and supportive wisdom to soak in during the Empowered Empath series which begins a week from today.

If you are curious, you can learn more here.

Feel the pull to step in with us? Three spots remain available as of today. Book & pay online, email, or call 608-335-1934.

No matter whether you find yourself with empathic abilities or not, I invite you to notice if you have any tendencies to take responsibility for other people's problems, or to distance yourself from discomfort. Explore for yourself ways that you can maintain autonomy for your experience, and surrender any burdens outside of that. I'd love to hear what you notice. Share your comments below, or send me an email.

Hope you are well,
Sarah