I would like to invite you to join me in an experiment.

Is there something you have been wishing to experience more fully in your life?

It may be to feel loved, provided for, safe expressing who you are, to play and feel delight, or other yearning of your heart. 

Make note of the quality that rings most true to you in this moment.

Now, imagine you are opening a door to all the ways this can present itself in your life. Hold this with a light curiosity, surrendering (the best you can) the need to control the specifics of how and when it will arrive, and any judgment. For instance, I might ask openly, "I wonder how I'll get to play today."

See if you can notice all the ways the world around you expresses the quality you are looking for. Remember to catch the ways you express it too. If you like, acknowledge the moments in a way that feels good to you (like journaling or photography). Making note of these moments within yourself draws more energy to these types of experiences.

I suggest holding this exploration in mind for the next month, but you can do it for as long as you like. You can also switch to another quality once you feel more connected to it in your day-to-day life. See what transpires.

I'd love to hear the qualities you are choosing to play with and your experiences. Feel free to share with us by commenting below, or sending me an email.

Have fun!
Sarah


P.S. I want to acknowledge those of you who might have a fear of doing this, because it might "prove" that you are not able to get what you want. First, remember our intention in doing this is not to pass judgment on ourselves or others. Our purpose is to see if we can stretch what we allow into our experience of life. Second, you may want to try "loosening" your idea of what it is you want. If it is something very specific, i.e. "I want so-and-so to do this thing for me, in this specific way, at these times," see if you can figure out what that action means to you. Perhaps it is about being appreciated, getting justice, being safe, etc. Once that becomes clear, if you are willing to let it come to you through other avenues (besides this person, for example), you may be surprised what is already there for you.

Over the past couple years I have been studying the practice of Nonviolent Communication (it also goes by the names Compassionate, or Conscious Communication). This way of connecting was originally shared by Marshall Rosenberg in the 1970s. As the teachings begin to sink in more deeply for me and replace old habits of communicating, I have been humbled by the healing power of this approach, and I wanted to share some of the juicy nuggets of wisdom with you.

The core tenets focus on identifying how we are feeling, uncovering the universal human need underneath it, and then offering empathy for any unmet needs.

Come on a journey with me as we explore this.

For a few moments take nice deep breathes and connect with your body. Tune into what feelings are alive within you.

Some examples are: content, relaxed, exhausted, frustrated, sad, joyful, disappointed, lonely, intriqued, calm, happy, inspired, anxious, torn, overwhelmed, confused, scared, ashamed, impatient, numb, angry, grateful, encouraged, vulnerable, etc.

Note: If something like "I feel so taken advantage of!" comes up, this is a thought and interpretation, not a feeling. In such a case, might you be feeling angry, indignant, sad, disappointed, etc? Acknowledge the presence of the thought, and try to to redirect yourself to the feeling that is within the thought.

Have you identified at least one to three feelings that resonate for you? There may be more, and they may seem contradictory. That is okay. Write these feelings down if it is helpful for you.

In Marshall Rosenberg's work, he says that feelings that are pleasant are a sign that a universal human need is being met, whereas feelings that are unpleasant are a sign of an unmet need within us. When we communicate with others in this space our words convey either a "please": help me meet this need for _________; or a "thank you": celebrate with me, my need for _________ has been met.

Now, let's take a moment to explore what needs may be underneath the feelings you identified. These universal human needs in their essence enhance our quality of life. Here are some examples of needs: safety, acceptance, harmony, predictability, integrity, connection, equality, appreciation, love, self-expression, understanding, respect, clarity, help and support, community, trust, intimacy, meaning and purpose, security, celebration, structure, autonomy and choice, space, fun and play, to matter and belong, mourning, freedom, kindness, responsibility, etc.

Returning to our example of, "I feel so taken advantage of!" we see that there are perhaps feelings of indignation, disappointment, and vulnerability, possibly because the needs for respect, kindness, and appreciation were not met.

As you tune inward, what unmet needs might your feelings be pointing you toward? And conversely, if you are feeling well, what might needs might your feelings be indicating that are being met?

Once you have identified your needs, write them down with the feelings you have identified. Acknowledge within yourself that you are feeling _________ because you are needing _______________ (or your needs for ___________ have been met).

Now, comes the true opportunity for healing. As you hold these needs in your heart, feel or imagine what it would be like if these needs were met. What would the experience of "respect", for example, feel like in your body if you had it completely? Imagine that you can breathe that quality into your being simply by thinking it, as if all the molecules of oxygen that enter your body are infused with ________. Continue to breathe and soak the energy of this in for as long as you like.

So, how do you feel?

Share your experience in the comments or email to share with me privately.

To learn more, read Marshall Rosenberg's book Nonviolent Communication, or visit the Wisconsin Empathy Guild's website to connect with practice groups in the area.

Blessings,

Sarah