Musings from the Journey
Enhance your life and fortify a deeper connection with your True Self.
 When we are caught up in struggle, not really getting anywhere, it is a painful place to be. Some choose to stay in this place for a long, or indefinite time, becoming resigned to the soup they are in, perhaps even identifying as a victim.
When a glimmer flickers within, and something shifts—a desire for change, a willingness to reach out for help—a powerful and essential thing happens. This is the key moment that this person takes agency for their life. Without claiming responsibility for our life, healing and growth can be fleeting. We can be at the mercy of others, and the winds around us. The moment we choose to step into our power, saying "I'm willing do to something about xyz in my life, because enough is enough, and I matter," we begin responding to the situations in our life, rather than reacting. It's as if we go from having a ship without a captain, to finally stepping up to the helm. We start deciding how we are going to navigate the storms and winds, rather than being beat around endlessly by them. This doesn't mean it's easy, especially at first, but we are more likely to get where we hope to go by setting a direction, rather than letting ourselves drift or sink at the whims of the elements. Perhaps, you remember a moment in your life when you went from being adrift to stepping up. What was that like for you? Did it feel like a turning point? If we are already charting our own course, sometimes it's hard when we see other people in our life who are resigned, and not taking ownership of their life. Sometimes there's a compulsion to tow them along behind us, or hop over and try to steer their ship for them (would this make us well-meaning pirates? ;) ). But it's hard to steer two ships at once, and it really doesn't teach them the skills and confidence to navigate their own life. Occasionally, I feel this impulse, because I'm a recovering helper, you know. My guides remind me, "Who are you to steal this pivotal moment from them in choosing to take responsibility for their life?" If I just tow them around, they'll most likely just want to take a nap, and let me continue. I'll get tired and resentful, and they won't actually learn the thing. Claiming agency for our life, responsibilities, and problems isn't the only step, but it's the first essential one. Are you ready to step into your power and ask for help? I gotchu. I believe in you. Sarah
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 If you have been around me for a while, you probably know that I am a loving and devoted a cat lady to my two handsome fellas Orangie and JoJo. So much so, I even embraced my quirkiness and held a 10 Years of Gotcha party last year.
So, when I realized that Monsieur Fluffermuffin Orangie, who is becoming mature in age, is starting to have some kidney and digestive troubles, I started diligently trying to find ways to help him stay as healthy and happy as possible. Naturally, I've been working with my vet to explore various options to help him. I've been aiming to give Orangie more Reiki than usual to try to help him. His energy had been a bit less, and appetite there, but not the best. I'd done Reiki for him a few nights one week, then gave him a particularly long distant Reiki sesh one night. He was sleeping under my bed, and I laid on the couch using my beanie baby proxy to work on his intestines and kidneys. I could feel a lot shifting. The next morning, Orangie was waking me up by getting into things (he had a habit of that before), he looked chipper and bright, his appetite was ravenous, and, oh, the zoomies! He was chasing his brother around like a little fiend. I was very encouraged to see how much that distant Reiki helped him. I'm hoping that with continued sessions like that, and following vet recommendations that he'll have many more years as a happy kitty. This is just one example of a day-to-day way that practicing Reiki can be a supportive force in your life. (And, clearly not a placebo effect, since he wouldn't have known otherwise I was giving him Reiki, and he's a cat!) Perhaps, you'd like to learn Reiki to be able to offer to your loved ones in need? Reiki I starts June 27th, and registration closes on the 19th. Or, maybe you have a pet that could also benefit from some healing work! I'd be happy to do a remote session for them too! Or, maybe you're just a mere mortal with troubles of your own, and you want some support. I gotchu, Sarah  I've been writing a lot lately about an unhealthy relationship dynamic I was in years ago. See my posts: An Explanation is Not an Excuse, and The Best Apology. What can I say, I'm inspired! ;) I garnered a lot of hard-fought wisdom from that relationship, and the juices are flowing now that I opened the gates. Can you relate? If so, hugs.
If you missed those posts, the essence is I participated in a dynamic that would feel fine for a while. Then, tick, tick, tick, boom! Lash out. Apologies, contrition. Things calm for a while, repeat. This person was dear to me. We would laugh and have deep conversations. But the smallest thing I would do could also set this person off. Sometimes they would imbibe a little to much, and the scales would tip. They would treat me as if I was their mortal enemy, and not someone dear to them. I never really knew which side of this person I was going to get. Would I get the person I loved, and had fun with, or the one that would lacerate me with their words? Sometimes I could predict what was coming, other times it would take me off guard. After many years of this dynamic, information finally soaked into my consciousness that would help me, once and for all, break the cycle. I was listening to a YouTube video about trauma bonds from Put the Shovel Down, a channel about helping people get into recovery from addiction. It explained how the unpredictable highs and lows of some relationships, can make them addictive. Not knowing what side of someone is going to show up is a bit of a gamble. Especially when there are good experiences mixed in there, you're always hoping for that. You never fully let go of the potential that this might happen, even when you get hurt by the alternative. The term for this is intermittent reinforcement. It's what makes it so hard to leave a relationship that isn't good for you. It might be good sometimes, even though it's really bad at other times. Or, maybe it's mostly bad now, but it was really good in the beginning, and you keep hoping for that euphoria to come back, maybe this time. What helped me leave was acknowledging that if I wanted this person to get into recovery, so did I. Viewing myself as addicted to that relationship, sobered me up to do the really hard thing. I left, and knew it might be as hard as anyone else who was trying to get clean, but I was committed to getting better. This is one of the reasons why is it difficult for so many people to truly leave abusive relationships. Or why, they might leave for a while, but somehow find their way back to their abuser. The dynamic is so addictive. It's not as simple as acknowledging this person (or this substance) is hurting me, so I'm done. For the dynamic to truly end, lots of support, commitment, and grace from the Divine are needed. I share these personal lessons not for sympathy or kudos, but because it is not uncommon for me to be working with a client, and as we are talking, they share their own version of this dynamic. Eventually, I might disclose that I understand personally, and this insight about intermittent reinforcement. Many folks have never heard of this phenomena before, and it is like a light bulb. This knowing can also take away some of the shame and confusion. Whether you have found yourself in these shoes before, or know someone else who has, I hope this brings another layer of understanding, and compassion. If needed, I hope it also helps propel you to explore strategies that might help you get out of something if it's not healthy. You deserve love, safety, compassion, and accountability. You got this, and if you need someone in your corner, I'm here. Sarah  April is Autism Awareness Month, and I just happened to finish reading Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, so I wanted to highlight it here.
It is worth a read by everyone, whether you are neurospicy, suspect you might be, know someone who is, or value making our society a more just and inclusive place. Recent years have expanded our awareness of how autistic folks experience the world. Many times people who have low support needs, or come from non-privileged groups have gone unnoticed until adulthood. Price really helps to broaden the stereotype that many of us were exposed to of how autism presents. Many times folks have a great deal of empathy, are sensitive, and may be able to pass as neurotypical. For late diagnosed adults, "masking" to fit in is the strategy that they've employed to survive socially, oftentimes, having done it for so long that it's hard to distinguish from who they really are. Being autistic is a difference in the way our nervous system processes. Because of the nature our how our society is structured to cater to neurotypical ways of processing, it can make these differences disabling. Price illustrates ways that this neurodivergence impacts people of various intersectional identities and support needs. They advocate for ways that we can encourage more supportive environments or norms for folks on the spectrum. One of the analogies that I love as I've been researching neurodivergence, is thinking about various accommodations for these neurotypes as glasses. We don't think of someone who has poor vision as inherently flawed, or expect them to be cured at some point. Instead, we help them find the right prescription glasses to help them see the world more clearly. We could think of headphones, a calm sensory environment, or permission to stim without judgment as comparable accommodations, for example. Unmasking Autism is worth a read, and I hope you'll pick up a copy soon! Warmly, Sarah  It's Earth Day this Wednesday April 22nd, and Arbor Day follows on Friday the 24th. This is a great time to deepen your connection with the Earth and the land around you. We are in relationship with all the living beings around us, and we rely on the earth for our needs.
What is one way that you can cultivate a loving relationship with the Earth this week? Some ideas:
Have fun, and delight in what you experience. Your Neighborhood Hippie, ;) Sarah P.S. Looking for a session? I still have a few openings this week:
P.P.S. The next round of Reiki training starts June 27th. Perhaps you'd like to join us?  So last week I wrote about a cycle I was caught in years ago with a person in my life. This person would lash out, offer a heartfelt apology, things would be calm for a while then the cycle would repeat.
I do genuinely believe this person felt remorse for how they showed up, and wanted to do better. I gave them the benefit of the doubt, and I saw ways that they were trying to learn, grow and heal. At the time, this was enough for me to stay. I mean, I cared deeply about this person, and they weren't always lashing out, we still had good times together. I wanted to believe that they could eventually heal, and things would get better. Despite this, the pattern repeated itself so many times, I can't even give an estimate. It didn't stop until I chose to remove myself from the scenario. Before I worked up the courage to leave, I heard the phrase somewhere: The best apology is changed behavior. I held that idea for while, giving them a chance to do something different. Ultimately, they didn't. So I did what I needed to do to take care of myself, and let myself soak in the idea that I deserved to be treated better. (We all deserve this!) I left. Taking accountability for how we show up is a really important piece in having a healthy relationship with ourselves and others. While it usually isn't easy to make a change, getting the support that will actually help us get better is essential. The person in my life was making an effort, so it was easy for me to be encouraged by that. However, what I eventually realized was that all of the approaches he was trying were through self-study and reflection. He didn't seek out any third-party supports that would help him see his blind spots, and hold him accountable. As such, it was easy for him to bypass what was necessary. This doesn't mean that we can't make progress through self-work, we certainly can. However, sometimes we really do need outside support and perspective. There are limitations to how far we can grow alone. And, ultimately, in this situation, the efforts he was making didn't result in a change in behavior—not taking his stuff out on me. I invite you to reflect on this idea: the best apology is changed behavior. What comes up for you? Perhaps, you have found yourself on one or both sides of this spectrum. How did or could you take accountability for your part? Or how did or could you set a boundary if you need to? Need a little help on this front? Here for you, without judgment, and proud of anyone willing to do the work that is necessary. Hugs, Sarah  My compassion used to get me in trouble years ago.
I'd find myself in a scenario with someone I cared about and I knew well, and they'd be lashing out at me. Eventually the interaction would shift from dumping to apologies. They were so sorry. They were lashing out because of trauma that happened to them in the past. Then things would be calm for a while. Days would pass, and eventually the cycle would repeat. They weren't wrong. I could see why they were hurting, and behaving that way. That person had been cruel to them. They had been through something very difficult. It all made sense to me, and I let that be an excuse for how they would talk to me, even though it would leave me upset and discombobulated to be their dumping ground. I hoped they'd eventually find healing, and it'd get better. Eventually, I realized that this bounty of compassion I was extending to them, I wasn't extending to myself for being in this situation. Also, that this person was a grown ass adult, and capable of taking responsibility for the way they show up. By being so understanding of their wounds, and not setting the boundary that I would remove myself if they would lash out, I was enabling them to continue treating me poorly. I did set the boundary, and because the behavior continued even after, it meant I ultimately left that relationship. Finally, I let the scales balance so I had just as much compassion (and protection) for myself as I did the other person. My compassion for them didn't go away, BUT the way I took care of myself in that situation changed. I share this, because sometimes I hear clients recalling similar conundrums. It is a very difficult place to be. And perhaps you, or someone you know, needs to hear the words that I would become a mantra for me: An explanation is not an excuse. Years later, I still stand by these words. I have compassion for people who are suffering, and have trauma. It is real, and painful. AND, if you are an adult, in the vast majority of situations, you have access to free and professional resources (books, podcasts, support groups, therapy, classes, etc) that can help you heal. Part of healing is taking accountability for our actions, and ensuring that we don't let that cycle continue by harming others. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Okay? Stay tuned next week for our next slogan. ;) Find yourself in this scenario, or another that you can use support with? Reach out! In Solidarity, Humility, and Strength, Sarah  Happy Spring!
What kinds of literal and metaphoric seeds are you wanting to plant in your life this year? Now is a great time to let the energy of the season hold our budding intentions and nurture their growth. If you'd like to practice a simple ceremony, you can pick up a pack of seeds to plant. Hold the intentions that you would like to grow as you place the seeds in the ground. You can put them in pots you will tend, or scatter them and let nature work it's magic. Not all of our seeds will take root, but yet life has a way of wanting to grow. Keep an eye on them throughout the year, and tend to them if you feel called. Let these seedlings inspire you as you watch your intentions grow, and find ways to nurture them in your life. Reiki is a lovely way to plant and support seeds in our life. Set something up today. In light and warmth, Sarah  It is wonderful when we feel comfort, peace, and calm in our bodies and minds. It's one of my favorite things about receiving and giving Reiki. While I would love for our lives to be easy breezy lemon squeezy all the time, we know that isn't a realistic goal.
In some contexts, staying comfortable in the moment perpetuates dynamics that in the long run are unhealthy. This might be:
Then it's a bit like working out, and building your capacity to stand up, set boundaries with others or ourselves, or taking the other action that is necessary to move towards what we want. For clarity, I want to emphasize that with building our capacity for discomfort, I don't mean tolerating unacceptable behavior or circumstances. In fact, the opposite. As we allow our internal discomfort to inform us, and fortify our courage, our tolerance for unhealthy dynamics usually goes way down. This is a good thing. We are instead strengthening our ability to face the situation to do what is needed to shift or remove ourselves from that pattern. Always here to stand with you as you feel those feelings, and figure out what you need to do, and foster the courage and fortitude to do what's necessary. Warmly, Sarah  Insert Your Name for Divinity/Compassionate Presence Here],
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. I'm meditating on the serenity prayer this morning. I'm noticing that what's happening in the world is scraping up similar energies in our personal lives. Notably, some are facing their own traumas (old or existing) surrounding boundary violations, consent, etc. as the Epstein Files have emerged. Whether you are facing this or other dynamics that mirror the macrocosm in your own little sphere, tending to them with healing hands and presence will help bring mending and resolve in your own life, and send those ripples out into the whole. There are many of us doing this personal work right now, and it matters, on a small and collective level. Sometimes the things in the whole feel too big to tackle, and in some ways, they are, at least alone. But if we all do the things we need to in our spheres, and pull out the little pebbles in the wall of the collective that we can reach, eventually the big wall of bullshit will crumble. (Yes, that is the technical term for it. ;) ) Try not to get stuck on the extreme ends of that spectrum:
Really each of us, individually, we fall somewhere in the middle. Tend to your personal world, and pull on the thread that connects you to the collective to leverage change there. With enough of us doing that we can be like an army of strong ants! If you haven't heard, the next No Kings rally is coming up on Saturday March 28th. Make your plans to show up and support! Want some support moving through the stuff bubbling up in your own world, or to have the capacity to keep showing up during these times? I gotchu. Maybe you want to be a healing presence yourself? Consider our Reiki training. We are still taking registrants, and will start once we reach a decent class size. Join our waitlist, or commit by fillng out the registration and submit a deposit. Keep on, keepin' on! Sarah |
Sarah Barlow
Reiki Master Teacher and Owner of Embrace Your Essence Sign up for our E-Letters Here
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